It’s been a tough summer.
Back on June 5th we lost our sweet, love bug Ollie in a very sad and upsetting way in the middle of the night,
after that night Pekoe was changed. He never seemed really happy again. He lived at my parent’s house for weeks, and continued to migrate back and forth between our houses. And then last week his health really started to deteriorate. And on Thursday, less than 7 weeks after saying goodbye to Ollie, we had to say goodbye to Pekoe as well.
While we are thankful that we were able to make the decision and help him go in a painless way before he suffered too much, doing the right thing still hurts terribly.
After Ollie I was shattered. She was my best friend and sidekick, and not having her has been so very difficult, but at least I still had Pekoe.
And now he’s gone.
And my house is too quiet.
Friends has been streaming on Netflix during nearly all my waking hours I’m at home since Monday because the quiet is too much.
I’ve cleaned up the boxes the kitties slept in and on.
We’ve started leaving the bathroom door open now that there is no worry of a cat somehow getting into something in there.
I bought a rotisserie chicken yesterday and there was nobody there begging for pieces of it when I walked in the door.
There was nobody there at all.
If I was shattered before I don’t even know what I am now. I’m 34 years old and currently sleeping with three stuffed animals at night.
Since June I feel like I’ve become the queen of distraction. When some people turn to food, or drink in times of grief, I turn to craft supplies. I’ve made more trips to Michael’s than I can even count. Every free moment I have been filling with busy work. Painting, colouring, creating.
Friday night at Michael’s we saw a gift card box that said, “Crafting is cheaper than therapy,” Lisa said she thought I needed it. I said, “I don’t know if that’s true, but I’m certainly putting that theory to the test.”
It was such impeccable timing when my first Caring Crate box showed up right after Ollie’s death, and then I was delighted a few weeks ago when Janelle sent me a second box to let me know she had been thinking of me. I was so surprised and touched that she did that for me.
I was so excited to see a cute stitch art kit in there, as that is the perfect kind of distraction project, so earlier this week I had a chance to make it
and loved the way it turned out so much that I went to the i heart stitch art etsy shop and ordered myself two more kits!
This past week The Bloggess also launched her new book for pre-order. A book that came to fruition in a way thanks to her anxiety disorder. A book that will be perfect for Suzi’s who love colouring and keeping themselves distracted. So I pre-ordered it. And then on Friday, she announced that not only had it made it to #2 on Amazon, but that in thanks she had created a drawing for us. A drawing that isn’t in the book but just so happens to have two kitties on it. A drawing that I immediately loved and downloaded. If you’d like to see it and/or get it for yourself you can do that here.
So pretty much that’s what I’ve been doing. Trying to stay on top of work (sorta), colouring and painting and stitching while I’m home, and spending way too much time (and money) at Michael’s and the other 6 stores we have left here in the valley.
Another thing that became a big issue after losing Ollie was sleep. I haven’t been able to go to sleep unless I’m listening to something on my iPod or Netflix, which has led to some pretty terrible night’s sleep. It also didn’t help that Pekoe had been getting us up two or more times/night for weeks (months? years?) so Thursday night was the first time we went to bed not having to worry about a kitty waking us up in the night.
I was afraid I wouldn’t sleep so I took some Tylenol (my fibromyalgia has been a bit out of control thanks to all the stress) and put lavender from my Duckish Lotion bar on my chest and then took a few big inhales of pure lavender oil that Lisa from Horn Rimmed Harriet had sent me as well as added a few drops to a wool bead to make it easy to breath in more during the night if needed. I’m happy to say that the lavender has really been helping and I’ve been sleeping a lot better since I started using it.
The small sample sized bottles are perfect for keeping right on my nightstand for use at night without taking up too much space. And I’ve found the wild orange to be the perfect scent for my diffuser recently as it is a very happy scent, and we are in need of a little extra happy!
I know that most of my readers are animal people and therefore understand what I’m going through, but for those few who have made it this far and don’t understand why I’d be so upset over “just a cat”, I’m sharing this article I came across a few weeks ago, which hit me hard then, and hits me even harder now.
Grief is grief, and I don’t pretend to think that my loss is the same as that of a parent who has lost a child, or losing a spouse, parent, etc. I don’t see why we should try to undermine one person’s sadness with the thoughts of how much worse it “could” be. So the next time a friend or family member loses a pet they were close to, be kind. I’ve been very fortunate that everyone has been amazingly sweet and supportive of me during this time, but I know that isn’t always the case.
Grief is grief, and there is no need to compare. Kindness is kindness and always goes a long way.
And please, take a few extra minutes to hug and kiss all your furry friends for me tonight.